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question of the week: is it still okay to dream?

Sometimes a series of events will take place resonating in a central theme.  Some call it a coincidence but I like to think it’s the universe speaking to me through various mediums.

For instance this weekend I went to church, saw the Princess and the Frog, did several things in between, and in someway or another I partook in conversations, heard a speech, or saw an image reflecting this simple message…

what you want may not necessarily be what you need.

And because I subscribe to this idea I wonder if the things that I want for myself are not necessarily in tune with what I need.  And if that is the case are my dreams pointless?

And if so, whats the point of living dreaming at all?

Like Princess Tiana I’ve believed faith in combination with hard work are the keys to successfully accomplish any goal.  But if my dreams are not aligned with what I actually need isn’t my faith and hard work as futile as not doing anything at all?

This morning I’m thinking there isn’t really a way for me to know, so why be idle?  I’m just gonna keep on reaching for the moon and know everything will work out for the better.

Who am I kidding, my type A personality wouldn’t allow for anything less anyway.

i’m ready!?

I’ve never had a valentine.  Or celebrated my birthday, new years or any other major holiday, for that matter, with someone special.

sidebar: this is not a “woe is me” tale.  It’s simply me stating facts and sharing my hopes out loud with the universe.

So anyway, I would really like to ring in the new year with a date by my side. In fact, beyond new years I would like to be in a very serious, intense, and exclusive relationship.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t need to be in a relationship, but at the moment I would very much like to be in one.

A number of my friends are either getting married and/or are having children.  And I’m not saying I want that, because I’m certainly not ready for life long commitments.  I would like to remain a bit selfish and self-absorbed while still becoming involved with someone.

I want to talk incessantly about him to my friends.  I want to experience butterflies in the pit of my stomach when he calls, drag him on double dates with my bff and her beau and yes, share holidays with him too.

For a long time I’ve shied away from the idea of  being in love.  But now, I’m ready.

(cue India Aire’s Ready for Love)

beginnings

I love beginnings.  New days, new weeks, new years.

Beginnings welcome an air of revitalization; an opportunity to do something amazing.  And in 10 short days it will be the beginning of another year.

It’s too soon for me to summarize my life since the start of this millennium -history can be the judge- nor will I do myself the disservice of predicting what my life may or may not be like in the next ten years.  But I do pray 2010 and beyond surpasses anything I could have hoped for or dreamed of for myself.

And in the advent of a new year I have finally completed my list of things I would like to do before my next birthday.

***

1. I’m learning that as good as it is to be able to spend time with and love yourself… so are our relationships with others.  And in order for them to be good they need to also be healthy.  This year I will work harder at making my relationships healthy… my relationship with God, my family, friends, and colleagues.  I will read at least one chapter of the Bible daily, be more emotionally available for friends, arrive on time to all scheduled appointments, and remember the small things like birthdays.  Most importantly I will listen more and speak less.

2. I’m also learning that when we think about the negative… they become magnified in our minds.  And so in 2010 instead of focusing on my own issues.  I will be more proactive in helping others.  I will volunteer twice a month with various community organizations who are trying to end poverty and homelessness in the District.  It’s actually a win-win for me.  I get to help someone else and forget about my own woes.

3. In embracing the concept of living each day to the fullest, in 2010 I will think less and do more (within the realms of the law of-course).  Me debating cutting my hair, learning to swim, becoming more assertive, aggressive, and go getter will come to fruition.  The decisions I make will based on what’s best for ME and not whats best for everyone else.  In January I will visit the barber shop and have my tresses cut and by March I would have signed up for my fist swim lesson.  My motto might as well be… just do it, because that what I plan on doing.

4.  In keeping with the idea of “just do it” I will submit the first part of my Peace Corps application by the last week of March, I will try to blog at least three times a week (but only publish substantive work), and read 1 book each week.

I have a feeling that 2010 is gonna be a GREATASTIC year.  I don’t know if it is because it’s the year of the tiger or that the economy seems to be picking up, or even more simply… because I want it to.  Either way, I’m really excited and looking forward to it.

**follow my progress with the tag best year 2010

VeggieTales: 100 days in

Today marked the 100th day of my vegetarian lifestyle.

Some of my friends placed bets that I couldn’t last past Thanksgiving.  But here I am 100 days later, lighter, and leaner.

And as happy as I am to know that I’m healthier and two dress sizes smaller, I am as equally excited in learning how much self-control I truly have.

So now, I just need to figure out what made this particular decision stick when so often when I make plans they fall through.

I mean, I literally just woke up one day and said, “It’s time,” and I just did it.

Maybe I wanted this more or I truly believe in what I am doing.  Regardless… I’m doing it.

So onto day 101.

the american dream myth.

…we are not mere prisoners of fate. Our actions matter, and can bend history…

-President Obama, Oslo, Norway,
Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech

Lately I’ve struggled to apply this concept in my life: the reality that my actions and fate work together as opposed to two separate concepts battling it out in the metaphysical realm.  Mainly because I have a feeling I’ve been bamboozled by this notion of the American Dream.

The concept of The American Dream is quite basic;

If you work hard, go to school, and contribute positively to society then you too can own a piece of America. And climb the socio-economic ladder.  You can buy a home, put your children through school so that one day they can build upon the legacy you have left them and surpass their parents achievements.

But now I wonder if it is merely a tactic  to keep Americans in check.  Because in hindsight it all seems like a big FAT lie (at least it is for the middle and lower class citizens).  Think about it, What is it that you own anyway?

That home you bought 2, 5, or 15 years ago isn’t yours, it belongs to the bank.  The city owns a piece of the land its sitting on.  And if you don’t have the proper documents in place before you die, the bank gets to have it back once you decease.

And how about that job that you slave at week in and week out so you are able to take care of your family and personal needs.  Don’t you ever feel that you deserve more than you are being given.  Here you are making money for this company only to be treated like dispensable collateral when the bottom line of the company doesn’t correspond with the earnings.

by 2005, the typical CEO made more in an hour
than a minimum-wage worker made in a month

-economic mobility project

Not to mention the student loans you and your children will be paying for the rest of your lives.

With all this in mind The American Dream boils down to this; nearly 17 years of programming in school amassing nearly $100,000 in debt (before interest).  Work for some firm and sit at a cubicle, accrue credit card debt,  buy a home (accumulating in more debt), and die….. how pathetic.

The reality is economic mobility and the American Dream go hand in hand.  And within the past three decades regardless of the amount of work one puts into improving their condition  most Americans are not able to move up the proverbial economic/social ladder.

So in hearing the President say “Our actions matter…” I remembered that although the stats are against me, I can still change my odds… no matter how grim they seem… or is that too delusional thinking?

raising the debt ceiling, again?

Whats the point of having a debt ceiling in the  first place if it continually keeps increasing?  No seriously…  I don’t get it.

Maybe its my lack of experience with financing and account practices but I always thought creating a cap on the amount of money one can borrow was a preemptive measure not to owe more than one could afford to pay back.

This morning while getting my Morning cup of Joe and reviewing the Politico’s political playbook, I was astonished to find out that congress wants to lift the US debt ceiling by 1.8 trillion dollars.

1,800,000,000,000!

When did trillions of dollars begin to seem so small?

And in a cowardly way at that; before the year ends so that their decisions will not affect next year’s elections.

I understand being a member of congress is often times a catch 22; having to make compromises to ensure a victory in the next election.  But I just wish personal ambitions could more often take a back seat to the public good.

turkey, cake and birthday wishes

I’m sitting in my room sipping on hot cocoa and reminiscing on my fabulous weekend.  I love thanksgiving weekend.  Partly because it’s a foodies  dream come true, partly because it coincides with my birthday, but mostly ’cause it allows me to spend time with those I don’t get to see year-round.  And I must admit that thanksgiving/birthday ‘09 was in fact fantastic and memorable.

Tatiana and I got our nails done on Tuesday, went skating and had dinner at Brianna’s on Thursday, and then had Brunch at Founding Farmers with the gang on Sunday.  What more can one ask for then good people and good food.

Sidebar: the food was absolutely fantastic at Founding Farmers and Brianna’s.

And now that all the leftovers has been devoured, the glitter & sparkle of my birthday has come & gone, and the thank you notes have been sent out;  I’m trying to make my list of things I would like to do before my next birthday.

Every year I make a list of everything I would like to accomplish during the next year.  So here it is in draft form:

become acquainted with maker
make him first and center
complete Peace Corps application process
be resilient
visit 3 new cities
learn a new language
volunteer twice a month
read 52 books
visit 2 new countries
be optimistic
blog at least three times a week
exude fabulosity
get a new hobby
take more risk
make parents proud
go Bald
learn to swim
be fierce
go hard or go home
be a better daughter, friend sister, auntie… person
go to two new countries
watch less TV
start a book club
remember birth-dates
be happy
laugh
listen more, speak less

**follow my progress with the tag best year 2010

quote for the day: on greatness

“There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.”

-William F. Halsey

“party, party, party…”

I’m excited to announce that in just nine short days…
I will be one year the wiser…
Or at least in theory, I will be!

And in an attempt for birthday 2009 not to become a repeat of last year’s, I’ve determined my theme for the weekend will be dining, dancing and laughing galore.  So I pretty much plan to jam as much activities as possible into two days; culminating in mimosas, omelets and pancakes.

But until then I’m in reflective mode; recapping on the year, anticipating the next, but mostly looking forward to today.

So on today…

in his car

“Vic,” he starts very seriously, “what makes you happy?”

We are sitting in his car, parked on a hill which overlooks the city.  The sun has set and the stars are just starting to penetrate through the night’s sky.  It’s quite except for the soft jazz coming through the speakers and the occasional sound of sirens from a passing ambulance or police vehicle.

I turn down the radio.

“What do you mean what makes me happy?”
“What makes you feel alive?  The one thing that keeps you going and you would hate to live without.”
“Well, I’ve never really thought about it before.  But I know that my family and friends make me happy.  And shopping definitely brings a smile to my face,” I chuckle inwardly at the truthfulness of my last statement.
“Shopping? Really?” as he shakes his head with disappointment of my seemingly surface answers to his very sincere question.

I turn to look at him for a moment.  He looks so adorable sitting there waiting for a semi provocative response.  I place my hand on his shoulder and lightly caress his neck.

Turning my attention frontward, I become lost in the space where the city limits, meet the nights sky.

And finally I respond, “Truth be told, I’m not quite sure what makes me happy, I’m still trying to figure that out.  And besides, what is more important than spending time with the people you love and who love you?  Not to mention, being here with you is pretty nice too.”
“You’re so full of it.”  He smiles and tilts his head back against the palm of my hand.
“You know me so well,” I counter, grateful he is not persistent in his quest for an answer.

And we simply continue to sit there; in his car, parked on a hill, overlooking the city.  He taking in the view and me contemplating on those four simply words.

(to be continued…)

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